Good Parenting: Take Aways Don’t Work

Parents do the best they can with the resources that they have.

This being said, too many parents know that they need to apply consequences, but have no clue how to do it. When parents and children come to see me I regularly hear, “we’ve taken everything away… it still isn’t getting better… we don’t know what to do.”

Taking away all life’s pleasure doesn’t generally make people want to work harder. It makes them angry. You need to apply reasonable consequences. I prefer teaching children to earn things rather than taking away when they mess up.

Look for a more in-depth explanation and “how-to” application in my upcoming parenting program.

Dr John

Parenting

Are you a parent?

Do you sometimes wonder if you’re doing a good job?

Do you sometimes think that you don’t have a clue as to what you’re doing?

Do you wish that you could get answers to basic questions?

Have you asked questions of other doctors and gotten different answers every time?

Have you wondered if anyone knows what the heck they’re doing?

Well, you’re not alone if this is how you have felt. We have all felt this way, at times. Unfortunately, I meet parents who feel like this all too often. This is why I have decided to make my next several post all about parenting issues. I have one book completed and ready to go to the editor. I have a second that’s about half way completed. I want these post to give you great information and wet your appetite for the parenting books that I will launch in the very near future.

Here’s some of what you’ll see in future posts:

• Positive Parenting
• Active Parenting
• Discipline- What works? What doesn’t?
• Reward systems vs. Punishment systems
• Homework 911
• Step-parenting
• Parenting and divorce
• Consequences
• and much, much more

Look back here for regular posts. I promise that they will be interesting and informative. Your comments will help me to know just what information you’re looking for. And as always, you can call me at my office at 856-438-5256.

Dr John

P.S. Comments help. Please leave one.
As always… you can find new and interesting information at http://johnhudome.com

Positive Parenting

So what is “Positive Parenting?” Let’s just suggest this as a definition: “Encouraging the behavior you want by rewarding it when you see it… rather than only punishing or negatively commenting on problem behavior.” I know that this is a bit over simplistic. But it will suffice.

If this is where the Positive Parenting movement begun in the 80’s ended, I would be fine with it. However, the encouragement thing went a little too far. Johnny got a trophy just for showing up on the soccer field. When he missed the ball he heard, “nice try Johnny.” When he got a poor grade on a test he heard, “did you try Johnny?” If he answered “yes,” he heard “great” from his parent.

The problem here is that no one held little Johnny accountable. There were no consequences to poor performance. Our success in the world isn’t only contingent on effort. Although effort is certainly important. I’m all for positive parenting and encouraging our kids. And sometimes we need to push them a little. We need to expect a little more. The rest of the world doesn’t love your children. We aren’t giving your children a trophy for showing up. We expect performance. It would help them if you would teach them to have some performance expectations of themselves. They’ll thank you later in life.

So remember, reward, reward reward. Give encouragement. Positive praise is most useful when it corresponds to positive performance (and sometimes effort). And have some expectations, please.

Dr. John

Homework Tip: Structure the time for younger students

Young students don’t inherently know how to setup and structure homework for greater success. Remember when you structured bath time, bed time, etc? Do the same with homework time. Set your student up for success with structure that works.

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Homework Tips

Two quick Homework and School Success Tips: 1) Review notes on the same day you take them. You’ll remember more of what you learn; 2) Students should self-monitor their homework. This means to write down what work you do each day or night. This alone will increase productivity and grades.

Watch the video.

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Happy New Year

Hope the new year finds you happy, healthy and prosperous. Thanks to all of you whom have given so much support to me, my practice, my blogs and my new projects. Your support has been amazing.

My homework book is being edited and will be available later this month. your going to love it. The long promised parent coaching and support program will launch along with the book. Register early as an “insider” and get the best monthly rate. The rates will go up 3 months after the launch. Send me and email to express interest, jbhudome@comcast.net.

More video to come over the weekend. I’m home today and plan to watch Penn State in the Rose Bowl. My daughter attends Penn State and has friends coming over. Love the energy of the college age group. Go Lions.

Dr. John

Dr John Hudome says “alcohol and drug problems start at age 13”

The most common age of first use of drugs or alcohol reported in rehab programs and to me in my private practice is 13. This shocked me when I learned this many years ago. Age 13 doesn’t shock anyone working in a rehab facility. It surprised me very much. This just seemed too young. Most of us were in 7th or 8th grade at age 13.

Although I was surprised by the first use age of 13, I can still recall the group of boys in my 7th and 8th grade class whom drank alcohol (reportedly by them) regularly on the weekends. So this isn’t a new phenomenon at all. It was occurring in my class in the 1968 and 69. Here’s a video.

The “take away” here? Talk to your kids about these things. Also, remember that they see what you do. You can’t preach one thing and do another. Maybe you should role model responsible use or, no use at all.

Dr John

Don’t let “sex, money, drugs or alcohol” be four letter words in your home

There are still a few things that too many parents are uncomfortable talking to their children about. In particular, sex, money, drugs and alcohol, to name a few. It’s either “impolite” or just too darned uncomfortable. So, these parents just avoid the topics. Well, others WILL talk to your kids about these topics, and quite willingly. So, if you want any input whatsoever, talk about them.

Your kids will still form their own opinions on these, and many other topics. but you’ll feel a whole lot better that your spoke your mind.

Dr. John

Blog Reader’s Question Answered: Tips on childcare success.

Well, I asked for questions and I got one. Thank you so much for the question. Here’s the question and my response.

Please ask your own questions. I really will answer them.

Dr. John

It’s all about YOUR attitude as a parent.

My attitude with my children always made a big difference. Remember to lead the way. Decide if you want to go through life as a Tigger or as an Eyore. Here’s a little video.

Be the Tigger leader in your child’s life.

Dr. John